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    The Darndest Things {03/06}

    March 10, 2006 by Brandy Vencel

    Here it is…the beginning of the Amusing Antics List for the month of March!


    30 March 2006: Asking the Right Questions
    E.: “Dad, when are you going to stop getting up in the morning and going to work?”


    29 March 2006: E. in Conversation
    “I used to want to marry that other girl–yes…Naomi–but now I want to marry Natalie. I like them both, but I want to marry Natalie.”


    29 March 2006: Our Prayer Warrior
    Remember how I was sick about a week ago? Well, I’m not entirely better. I’m just able to go about the day. I was having an especially difficult time yesterday. Last night, before he was heading off to bed, E. asked me again how I was feeling. I told him what I had told him all day long: “I’m still sick. Please pray for me, that I will feel better.”

    When I said it that time, he climbed up on the couch next to me, took my hand, and said he would pray for me. It was a long prayer, and I couldn’t understand most of the logic behind it. I do remember, “Thank you for Mommy’s health, that she will feel you better.”

    And when he was done, he immediately asked me, “How do you feel?” And I felt ashamed–for still being sick, and also for having so little faith in comparison with this little boy.


    28 March 2006: Itinerary Man
    I have had people make fun of how scheduled I am with my kids, and my reply is usually that I would have no trouble being a bit more flexible {which probably isn’t true, but I like to think that it is}, but that E. could never handle it. Well, the little guy becomes more rigid every day. Just think what a crotchety old man he will grow up to be! He has gotten to where he gives us an itinerary for everything. Taking a bath? “Okay, Mommy, first I will turn on the heater, then I will get undressed, then I will use the toilet, then I will get in the tub, then you will wash me, then you will set a timer and I will play for 10 minutes–no! 11 minutes–and then I will get out and you will dry me.” No joking about the 11 minutes part, by the way. We are learning that sometimes we must alter the little schedule he makes for our family, and he inevitably throws a fit about it. Poor guy. He really thinks he’s in charge!


    26 March 2006: Needs Less Sleep
    Ever since he started wearing underwear at night, E. has been getting up very early in the morning {for him}. Yesterday morning, it was 6:15am! I think maybe the need to go to the bathroom is waking him. Anyhow, the cute part is that he is still respecting the 7am rule {he is to remain in his room and play quietly or read until 7am so as not to wake his sister}. So we hear him make him way to the hall bathroom, head back to his room, and then read to himself. He became so engaged in his books that he didn’t leave his room yesterday until almost 7:45!


    22 March 2006: No Playing with Mommy’s Undergarments
    We have the strangest rules in our house. This new one was inspired by E. this morning, when I turned around to find him attempting to strap my bra on himself. I tried not to make a big deal out of it and requested that he take it off. He did. But then he tried to put it on his sister. Hence, the new rule.


    22 March 2006: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow
    This morning, Si left to visit his new workplace for a few hours. He still has not completed all the paperwork, but will be closer to the end after today. Poor E. I heard him follow his dad out into the garage. The last thing I heard him yell was, “Hey, Dad?! I love you!” It was so precious. And I was so sad for him when he ran back in the house with tears streaming down his face, and looked out the window crying, “Daddy…Daddy…Daddy…”


    16 March 2006: Bathroom Phonics
    I think that as a little boy nears the age of 4, he finds that the bathroom, and all that it implies, is something worthy of much thought. This belief was reinforced today when I discovered that words such as “food, “moon,” or “room” used to illustrate the “oo” sound are not very helpful teaching tools, while “toot,” and “poop” {as well as “scoop” if used in the context of discussing how a certain grandma scoops dog poop with a paper cup} can bring about an almost instantaneous enlightenment and appreciation for said “oo” sound.

    Ah, the raising of boys.


    15 March 2006: Innovation
    This morning I wandered into E.’s room. He has been “making” his bed for about half a year now, and some days he does it better than others. Today wasn’t one of the better days, but I could see many evidences of effort.

    Mom: Hi, sweetie! Did you try to make your bed?
    E.: {makes thoughtful face for a long while and then} Yes. This is a new way.


    14 March 2006: Mean Daddy
    Well, I told you that someday I’d use The Darndest Things List to highlight some of the bad things my children had done. Well, lest you think little E. is perfectly scrumptous all of the time, you should know that he likes to criticize my cooking. Eating has been his chosen battleground, and he has been fighting the war fiercely the past few days. We have tried numerous tactics, but now Daddy has officially put his foot down. Perhaps he is imagining E.’s interaction with his future wife, whereby she slaves all afternoon making the meal E. has told her is his favorite, but because he is in one of his moods, he sits down and declares how much he hates this meal and doesn’t want to eat it at all.

    So the new rule is, “One negative comment about the food, and you don’t eat.” It’s simple, really, though today it was interpreted to mean, “One negative comment about the food, and you shall run to your room, sobbing, and fling yourself across your bed, all the while screaming about how hungry you really are and how you just remembered that you really do love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches after all.” That’s not what Daddy said, but this is generally what he was taken to mean.

    Perhaps tomorrow there will be consensus concerning how great my meal preparation skills really are.


    11 March 2006: What will you do when you grow up?
    This evening at dinner, E. explained to me that when he grew up, he would be a grownup, and then he could help Dad and Mom keep A. from touching the fireplace all of the time.


    11 March 2006: E. the Hero
    This afternoon, E. found A. choking on a piece of his toy. As I came running to help, he calmly popped the toy out of her mouth and told her everything was okay, and then he made sure the toy made it to the tabletop out of her reach, which is where it was supposed to be in the first place. Isn’t he sweet?


    11 March 2006: How old is Daddy?
    I don’t really have a conversation to document concerning this issue, because there really is an ongoing string of conversations that have taken place over the last couple of weeks. Suffice it to say that E. is convinced that his dad is 17-years-old, and will say things like, “When I’m 17 like you, Dad, I want to…”


    10 March 2006: Bathroom Humor
    Tonight, we did what bad parents do, and took our sick kiddos to Chili’s to console ourselves concerning the disruption of our plans. E., of course, made the inevitable trip to the bathroom. I didn’t mind; I needed to use it, too. Another woman in the restroom found us completely amusing. Perhaps you will, too. Here is what I said and what he did:

    Mom: E., okay, now just wait a minute there and don’t touch anything, okay? Do you hear me?
    E.: {immediately shows signs of an attempt to touch the little trashcan for sanitary napkins}
    Mom: No! Don’t touch that–especially that. Honey, I’m trying to keep your hands clean so that we don’t have to wash them. Don’t touch anything, okay.
    E.: {seems amused and reaches for the handle for flushing}
    Mom: Don’t touch that! No!
    E.: {heads for the changing table and touches it, even picks it up and tries to close it}
    Mom: E.! I told you not to touch anything. Now we will have to wash your hands!
    E.: {decides that since he has to wash his hands anyway, he might as well touch everything and heads back for the sanitary napkin yucky trashcan}
    Mom: E., no!
    E.: (is now distracted by mom grabbing purse and getting ready to leave bathroom stall and decides to speak with the wisdom of a child) Mom, can I see your [name for male body part]? (this includes an impish grin because he knows about these things and just enjoys testing my response)
    Mom: You know I have no such thing.
    E.: Well, let me see if you don’t have one!

    Woman in other stall laughs hysterically.


    10 March 2006: What a Good Sport
    We had a big disappointment today. Everyone was disappointed, save A., who is characteristically 12-months old {i.e., oblivious}. You see, tonight was the Big Night. E. and A. were going to spend the evening at Granddad and Grandmama’s house while Si and I went to a gathering with a group of friends from church. We try to have an event of this kind about once a month, however our kids have been sick since…well, about the end of October. So let’s just say we’ve missed a few of them.

    Well, disaster struck again. E. woke up from his nap with a nasty cough. Due to issues in our family that don’t need to be discussed, sickness means quarantine. It is that simple. So quarantined we are. Unfortunately, I had let E. in on the evening’s plans this morning, which gave just enough time for him to become really excited.

    When I told him he was sick and wouldn’t be going to go to his grandparents {he was even going to get to spend the night! Only A. was getting picked up after the evening’s festivities were over}, I could tell by looking at him he was crushed. And then ensued a long explanation. He educated me using his logic skills that his nose was not running, and he was only coughing because he had a bit of phlegm {“fem”}, which might just be poop. {?? I have no idea why he thought that…}

    Anyhow, I dialed the number so that he could share his frustrations with Grandmama, who tried her best to comfort him, though she was obviously disappointed too. He grunted and groaned a bit, and he told her of his distaste for this new plan. But you know what? He never cried. And he only complained for a little while, and then he let it go.


    9 March 2006: Discussion Concerning our Heavenly Home
    This week’s Bible reading has been primarily concerning our Heavenly Home, and how Jesus is “preparing a place for us.” Ever the philosopher, E. finds this concerning. He likes to tell Daddy how he doesn’t really want to go there, because he likes his home here “with Dad and Mom and A.” I thought he was worried generally about the issue of heaven, but Si assures me that E. just really likes our house, and if he could take it with him, then he would be fine with the whole Heaven thing. Do you think I should tell him it’s a rental??


    9 March 2006: Perfecting Her Walk
    Little A. has been going at it for over a month now, so today I thought I would let her make the trek to the mailbox with me. It is a short walk, but I knew I’d end up carrying her eventually. I made sure E. came also, so that he could carry the mail. Going down the driveway was the first challenge. I caught her about halfway down as she was picking up significant speed, and looking like she was ready for take-off.


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  • Reply rebecca March 29, 2006 at 11:08 pm

    I forgot about this part of your blog… too funny (especially Mommy’s Undergarments).

  • Reply Grace March 11, 2006 at 5:46 pm

    Oh….so funny! I miss those kids!

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