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    My Life as a Human Time Bomb

    December 29, 2006 by Brandy Vencel

    I remember how about a month ago I told Rebecca I didn’t have any stretch marks this time. I think I also told her I’d have the baby 9.5 days early. There was a lot I thought I knew that I really didn’t know. But I suppose life is like that sometimes.

    I am bigger than I ever imagined possible now, and a few faint stretch marks have appeared as my skin strains to cover this presumably gigantic baby. I am also 3.5 days {and counting!!} overdue. And I suppose that, even if one cannot view said stretch marks {and one absolutely cannot}, I still look overdue. Or at least Due.

    At church on Sunday, one of the ushers made comments. “Oh, no! She is not at church today.” And then he started figuring out where all the doctors were sitting. Just in case. Because I have The Look.

    At my grandma’s on Christmas, my own relatives stared at me strangely every time I had a contraction. As if I hadn’t been having them for the last four weeks! But now that I have The Look, they take me more seriously.

    Today, when I went to the doctor because I had the first False Alarm of my life {really, I thought Baby wasn’t moving, but she was and is}, the little old lady waiting for her GYN appointment smiled at me every time I looked up. Because I have The Look. And I think she felt sorry for me.

    However, my body seems not to have gotten the message that is so very apparent to the people around me. I feel as if I’m going backwards. This week, the contractions actually slowed down and got farther apart. It’s like labor in reverse. At some point I’ll just join Weight Watchers and it’ll all be like a weird dream.

    Oh well. I have that amputation scheduled for Sunday afternoon. Something to fall back on, I suppose.

    And I promise this isn’t turning into a Mommy Blog. I’m just slightly focused right now. Give me six or eight weeks, and I’ll be back to tackling all the philosophical and ideological problems I can get my hands on.


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  • Reply rebecca December 29, 2006 at 10:33 pm

    And I was entertained… until I saw the NP today and she was not encouraging that this child would come anytime soon.

    Oh well! She will come when she is ready.

    Hope you have a great weekend. I know Sunday will at least produce a baby.

    We really need to make plans for New Year’s Eve 2007 now in an attempt to avoid the curse. Maybe we will celebrate it a day or two early?

  • Reply Brandy December 29, 2006 at 9:33 pm


    You have my complete permission to be unsympathetic if you ever like to be! 🙂 I was mainly trying to entertain Rebecca, who I know is herself feeling somewhat time-bombish and sitting at home doing not much other than growing.

    I really thought that I’d escape the stretch marks this time, but alas, my old ones seem to be growing tails on them. 🙂 I believe I will consider them war wounds, of which I can be proud…

    Hope you are enjoying YOUR new, squalling and healthy baby. 🙂

  • Reply Kimbrah December 29, 2006 at 8:47 pm


    I hate to seem unsympathetic, but having gone overdue with all three of mine and having stretch marks practically up to my armpits, I can at least offer condolences.

    Praying that you have a safe, effective delivery and that you have a squalling, healthy baby in your arms very soon.

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