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    Step Four: Find an Older Mom

    May 31, 2007 by Brandy Vencel

    Last week {was it last week?}, I gave three steps that I thought would help new mothers who are trying to stay at home for the first time, but finding it to be a challenge for various reasons. Step one was perseverance, because some things, as I keep on saying, simply have to be gotten through. Step two was figure it out. In other words, don’t just sit there. Actually solve the problem. Step three {which should maybe have been step two, but I wasn’t very organized about all of this} was to identify root causes. If step two deals with the external stuff, step three focuses inside. What is going on there? Why all the discontent?

    Step four is to find an older mom. After all, I can’t offer much more advice. I have only been doing this for five years. But most of what I have learned, I have learned from older and experienced moms.

    Who do I look to? Well, there have been many women along the way. The main thing I have always looked for is someone who has the result I desire. For instance, a mom that I spent a lot of time with when I had one child under the age of one had teenagers that were very sweet, respectful, and desired to follow God. She was worth listening to, and I learned a lot from her. Another mom friend of mine has eight children {and one on the way!}. Her children sit so nicely through church, and they obviously love each other very much. I always wanted my kids to have a good relationship not just with me, but with each other. So I ask her how she trains them to sit, and how she fosters their love for one another.

    There are very nice, well meaning women out there that have terrible situations with their children. They may have learned a lot from their mistakes. And I surely do not want to judge them. However, I do think it is safest to choose advisors who have actually lived a life of wisdom, rather than recently repented of a life lived in foolishness.

    Titus 2 lays the groundwork for all of this. It doesn’t tell young women to go out there and love their husbands, love their children, keep their homes, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Rather, it commands older women to go out there and teach the younger women how to do these things. We young moms are not left alone to fend for ourselves. The Bible commands that we be taught, that we have a guide {or two or three} along the way.

    So, go ahead and be a success at all of this! Persevere while solving the problem and identifying root causes, all the while learning from an older mom who has lots of experience and, though she isn’t perfect, really knows what she is talking about.

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  • Reply Brandy June 1, 2007 at 2:47 am

    What is scary is when I first glanced at your comment, I was horrified and quickly checked to make sure I hadn’t written MAN! I suppose we are both losing it, but you are doing better than I because you have an excuse.

    Sorry to hear you are ill. I hope you are better soon. 🙂

  • Reply Kimbrah June 1, 2007 at 2:03 am

    When I first read the title I thought it said “Find an Older MAN”. I had to look twice because my immediate first thought was “How does having a husband that’s older than you help you to be a better mom?”. I blame this retched illness that doesn’t seem to want to leave me be.

    Great series Brandy! I have really enjoyed it.

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