Because I Said So

Today, I was supposed to write a post that was complete with excerpts from my new parenting book. However, the book wandered off. Yesterday evening, Cleaning Guy appeared. If you don’t have a Cleaning Guy, you really should get one. In our house, Cleaning Guy manifests himself whenever Mommy’s clutter piles get too large. He is amazingly easy on the eyes, and can turn Mommy’s mountains into molehills in no time flat.

The only problem is that he often throws away stuff I need. Like a vague but important scribble on the left hand corner of a year-old list.

Or a book.

No matter. After pouting the morning away {well, pouting in between doing this thing we call living}, I decided not to be deterred.

My newest edition to the library via PaperBackSwap is Withhold Not Correction. I can’t say that this book contains much that is novel. I have read maybe twenty discipline/parenting books so far, so I’ve read a lot of what there is, I think. And we’ve pretty much settled the issue of how to discipline and when. At least we’ve settled it for the ages we’re dealing with now.

So why read more?

Good question. A few reasons, I suppose. While I don’t read near the number of parenting/disciplining types of books as I did during my first couple years of motherhood, I think I still have a tendency to forget the things that were once so clear to me. As we move on, I don’t want to neglect important toddler issues simply because my oldest is no longer a toddler.

More importantly, I think each author, though they might communicate similar messages, says things a bit differently, and emphasizes a different aspect of the process. This helps me process and assimilate the information, and it also helps me troubleshoot potential blind spots. Each author, like each parent, has their own blind spots, so switching authors helps me not adopt the author’s weaknesses as my own.

In Withhold Not Correction, there are a couple of issues emphasized that I haven’t encountered before. The first is the idea that a parent’s authority, like a king’s, is given from God. Therefore, parents do not have the right to be tyrannical. Tyranny, just like it is in government, is an abuse of power. I have heard this issue addressed before from the perspective of how tyranny might damage a child, but never from the perspective of God’s delegated authority and its potential misuse. This was intriguing to me.

But what I really wanted to talk about, what has taken me so long to get to, was that the author also believes that all parental discipline should have as its goal the love of God. Just as our own submission as Christians stems from our love and adoration of our Lord, so should we see our children transition as they age from obeying out of fear of consequences to obeying out of love and respect. Love and respect, by the way, not for the parent, but for the Lord, who put the parents in authority over the child.

I have heard similar teachings before, but nothing very practical. I think we’d all agree that this is the goal, but the question is how to get them there. Withhold Not Correction suggests Scripture. Now, he does not suggest using Scripture as a method of spiritually manipulating the child. I think this would fall under tyranny, which the author already addressed.

Rather, to translate this into my own words, the author suggests informing discipline with Scripture just as we do all other subjects in the home. For instance, when I teach about something in the natural world, I naturally teach them also about the Creator. So if I am disciplining a child, I should explain to them the Lord’s commands, and direct them to love Him through their obedience.

Instead of “because I said so,” we say “because God…” This, I think, also helps keeps us from being a tyrant because it requires us to ground the rules in Scripture in the first place.

All of this is to come to the part where I ask for help. I would like to compile a list of Scriptures that can help with problem areas. I want to keep the list somewhere in our home so that I have a quick reference. Are there verses you use with your own children? Were there verses your parents used with you? Are there verses you have heard other people use with their children? Please add them to the comments section. If we build a good enough list, I will rework the comments as a post matching up different issues with applicable verses.

For now, here are some examples {without the book to reference, since it is still AWOL}:

• Picking Fights:
  

  Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it
  Than a house full of feasting with strife.
  Proverbs 17:1

  The beginning of strife is like letting out water,
  So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.
  Proverbs 17:14

  Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man,
  But any fool will quarrel.
  Proverbs 20:3

• Lying:
  

  Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD,
  But those who deal faithfully are His delight.
  Proverbs 12:22

• Selfishness:
  

  Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share…
  I Timothy 6:18

  He who is generous will be blessed,
  For he gives some of his food to the poor.
  Proverbs 22:9

  If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
  And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink…
  Proverbs 25:21

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More Posts About This Book:
The Quotes that Should Have Been
You’re Grounded!