I use bottles because my body does not produce enough milk. This is a fact about myself that has been a thorn in my side, so to speak. If you really want to know how all of this began, you can read E.’s birth story. With E., I did try some alternative methods of supplementation. However, they were complicated, never felt natural, and I always used a bottle when feeding him in front of visitors.
With the girls, we decided just to use a bottle {after nursing, of course, this is why it is called “supplementation”}.
So, here I am, with three mostly-bottle-fed babies. I am still breast-is-best enough to cringe if I think about it too long.
Some of the cringing has to do with a sense of failure that I can’t do it, a disappointment with God that my body doesn’t do what it appears to be created to do. One of the reasons why I like organic, non-GMO, unpasteurized food is because it seems to be more in line with the way God created things, and I am very comfortable with the created order.
So imagine me taking a scoop of powder and shaking it in a bottle and then telling Baby it’s time for her milk. I cringe, even now, after all these years.
But, really, I’m not writing this to talk about or complain about formula. It is what it is.
What I want to talk about is who feeds the baby.
One of the other reasons I dislike bottle-feeding is because people try to steal the baby. No one has the gall to walk up to a nursing mommy and suggest that she allow them to feed the baby so that she can “take a break” or let them “bond with the baby” for a short while. But bottle-feeding moms have to deal with this all the time.
Is a distant relative visiting your home? If you bottle-feed, chances are she will want to give the baby a bottle. Close friend? Relative? Baby sitter? Almost all of them will offer to feed the baby.
When I was a first-time mom, I usually said yes. I felt guilty saying no. After all, now that baby was bottle-fed, I was essentially dispensable. Everyone in the room was just as capable as nourishing the baby as I was. In fact, if I refused, I occasionally got the impression that some people viewed me as selfish. After all, I got to see the baby all day long, and they were only here for a short while.
Deep breath.
It’s time to step back and look at that created order again. Mother’s milk says a number of things about God’s design. People often assume it says only one thing, but I think those people are mistaken. Milk does say the obvious, which is what God designed the baby to eat. And this is usually where the discussion ends.
But I would argue that mother’s milk also reveals, among other things, who God designed to feed the baby.
And I think this is why it bothered me that people always wanted to feed my babies. Once the issue of what Baby should eat was up for grabs, who should feed Baby was, too.
And that, my friends, was part of my cringing. My “failure” to make milk combined with the general cultural idea that mothers are optional, that some sort of substitute was totally valid.
Does this mean that I never let anyone feed the baby? No. Even breastfeeding moms occasionally pump a bottle and let their husband or grandma feed baby. I am not about to make absolute statements about this issue.
However, comma…
To those moms who are bottle feeding {for whatever reason}, don’t feel like you can’t defend your territory. You are not selfish when you tell others that you will be the one to feed the baby. If you were nursing, this would be obvious, but the bottle sometimes muddies the issue. So you will have to make it clear.
What do I say? Now that I am on Baby Number Three, fewer people ask. There are so many other ways they can help. But, sometimes, if the person asking is close enough that they can joke about it, I say, “If your breasts make milk, you can feed the baby.”
And they laugh. And I laugh. And we all get the point.
I am Mommy. No one else is. God’s design is not for Grandpa, Grandma…or even Daddy to feed the baby. Mommy is for feeding.
Am I saying it is sinful for someone else to feed the baby? No! I don’t think we need to go that far in order to have a discussion about this. Was it sinful for the Hebrews to have wet-nurses? There have always been a certain percentage of women who were incapable of making milk, or at least enough milk.
My point is about the design. The world has blurred a lot of roles that used to be so clear. The overwhelming acceptance of formula has aided this. After all, it is formula which allows Mommy to get a job and leave Baby with a “care provider.” The bottle has done much in our society to separate mother from child.
If you are a bottle-feeding mom, and you are uncomfortable with how often other people want to feed your baby, I suggest you start saying no. Today. Right now.
I look back on life with my firstborn, and I wish I had done this. I wish I had insisted on being the one to feed him. But I was timid, afraid that others would take offense. Now I know that this is not an area for timidity, but for simply stating the facts. Namely, asking the question, “Who does God’s design say should feed the baby?”
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