Taking a Break, Or Changing a Lifestyle?

There are two major objections to homeschooling that I have encountered over the years. Today, I am going to deal with one of them. Thinking things through on paper seems to work better for me that dealing with things like this spontaneously when I hear them.

By objection, I don’t mean someone objecting to me, personally, homeschooling my children. Rather, I mean something that stops a family from homeschooling their children. In other words, the objection I’m going to think through a bit is a personal objection to educating one’s own children at home.

So what is the objection? I have heard it countless times over the years. It usually sounds like this: I need a break from my kids. Sometimes, it is accompanied by a second thought, which is that the kids need a break from Mom as well.

Now, I could go through this from a theological perspective. I don’t think there is an ounce of Scripture to back up the idea of taking a break from our duties as parents. This has been a source of personal frustration at times, as, on the worst of days, I would like nothing other than to pass my most sacred duties over to another and call it quits.

I could also look at this through a historical perspective, and talk about how the idea of taking a break from the most important sociological unit is peculiar to the postmodern mindset and would sound like complete nonsense to most other peoples and cultures in most other times in all of history.

But I won’t.

Instead, I’d like to deal with the idea of a break.

But before I do, I find it pertinent to mention that motherhood isn’t easy. Especially in the early days. In fact, because I know this, there is a part of me that is simply dreading September. I am well aware that, God willing, I will have four children, three of which are aged three-and-a-half and younger.

Sometimes, I think I might perish.

Motherhood really doesn’t have much of a break. The newborn is a great lens through which to view motherhood. A newborn requires 24-hour maintenance and attention. Every time I have a newborn, I find that my whole life revolves around feeding and changing the baby. By the time I finish the cycle, it is time to start it all over again. Throw in a few other children, which prevent Mommy from getting any sleep during daylight hours, and it can be totally overwhelming.

And don’t forget, there is no Sabbath rest for Mom. After all, a newborn must be fed on the weekends, too. And changed. And so on and so forth.

I say this not to complain, but to be realistic. There is a reason moms feel like they need a break.

{At the same time, the idea that we need a break is also somewhat related to the cultural myth that absence makes the heart grow fonder, which I’ve already written about.}

However, I think the assertion that we need a break, and that institutional schooling can fulfill that need, should be challenged. I don’t know how else to put this, except to say that institutional schooling is a lifestyle, not a break.

A break is a short period of refreshment after which we rejoin the ranks of mothers and go back to our duties. If I want a break from doing laundry, there are a couple ways to approach it. I can hire someone to do my laundry for a week. I can simply not do the laundry for a week and let everything stay dirty {not my first choice, by the way}.

Hiring someone to do the laundry for me for the rest of my entire life is a lifestyle change, not a break from laundry.

Desiring a break is part of the human need for a Sabbath rest. When we look at God’s design, we see that rest took place one day of the week. It was a portion of a week, but a fairly small one over all.

If I apply the idea that a break is a small period of time, but might be an entire day, I think we’d see a different pattern. We might see moms swapping children, taking turns watching them while the other takes a break. We might see moms using those “Mother’s Day Out” programs that some churches offer. {These are usually one morning per week for about three hours.} We might see husbands staying home with the children while Mom sneaks off early on Saturday mornings for a weekly planning session and some refreshment.

I myself try to use naptime as a consistent time of personal refreshment. Now that I am pregnant {again}, this primarily consists of sleeping. But when I am at my best, it consists of a time of study, of catching up on a few tasks, of doing something I enjoy. When I really feel like I need a break, I have been known to use all of naptime for me. No chores, no work, just something I like {a cup of coffee and a good book}.

There are probably as many ways to get a break as there are moms. Each family is different and has different needs. Each family also has its seasons, and there will be time when breaks are near impossible, while other times they will be available in abundance.

The question is whether institutional schooling should be considered a break. My thought is that it absolutely cannot fall into this category. The school district we live in keeps children for just under eight hours per day, including lunch. This means that children in the district average forty hours per week away from their families, and that is assuming no extra-curricular activities. This is also assuming no homework. Homework can take isolate children from the family for another couple of hours per day, depending on the school. If children spend about eight hours sleeping, we automatically see that two-thirds of the child’s day is absolutely, without question, outside of any real family involvement.

Two-thirds is a majority, my friends.

Another way to look at it is to just view the almost forty hours per week that the school has the children. Forty hours is a full-time job. No one looks at their forty hour per week job and calls it a break.

I am well aware that not every family will homeschool. And I don’t think it is my job to convince anyone to do anything. And if someone I know decides to do differently than my family when it comes to their child’s education, I really believe that is their business. I believe in the authority of parents, and I believe we will all reap what we sow.

We have our own reasons for homeschooling, and breaks really aren’t part of our consideration when we make these decisions.

And maybe that’s my real point.

Breaks shouldn’t be part of the consideration at all because institutional schooling isn’t a break. When we think through life-changing decisions, decisions that could define what kind of family we have, what sort of people our children turn out to be, and whether or not we pass the torch of faith, we need to consider the real issues.

Considering the real issues, by the way, is what keeps me grounded. On my very worst of days, when everything is going wrong, when one child is crying and another is disobeying and the other is doing both, I want to quit. If taking a break is a valid reason for institutional schooling, I would have been the first to sign up on more than one occasion.

Looking at the issue without getting distracted by some of the peripherals {like needing a break} is important for Christians wanting to make a true decision. I am not one to think we will all look alike. I do not confuse likemindedness with samemindedness. In fact, most homeschooling families do not look alike. But it is important that we make good decisions, and that necessitates a proper starting place.