An Open Letter to my Grandfather

Dear Kind Sir,

It was with great delight that I received your phone call offering to bring me a special treat. It isn’t everyday that someone calls me from Starbucks, you know. When you said that you were just going to drop by for a minute, hand me a drink, and go, I said sure. When I hung up, I remembered that I have four children, three of whom would be determined to make you stay as long as possible.

I didn’t hear your arrival. You weren’t announced by a knock at the door. No, I knew you were here when children began to pour into the living room from all corners of the house and also inside from outdoors. I really don’t have that many children, but I was reminded of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, where he wrote,

The noise in this room was perfectly tumultuous, for there were more children there, than Scrooge in his agitated state of mind could count; and, unlike the celebrated herd in the poem, they were not forty children conducting themselves like one, but every child was conducting itself like forty.

Indeed.

I don’t know what I was happier to see, the smile on your face, the cheering of the tiny multitude, or the Salted Caramel Signature Hot Chocolate in your left hand.

The children didn’t make you stay too terribly long, but I got to thinking that there might come a day when you are truly in a hurry and need to sneak in and out. So, I came up with some handy suggestions:

1. Park down the street. The biggest tip-off for children playing in the backyard or the garage is that combination of sight and sound. They hear your car drive up, park, and the door open. This makes them look through cracks in the gate. When they see you, their suspicions are confirmed, and they come running. Parking two or three doors down should keep your arrival a secret.
2. Tip-toe. You don’t want to defeat the purpose of parking down the street with heavy footsteps. A combination of tip-toeing and walking, Indian-like, across the grass, shouldn’t draw much attention to your arrival.
3. Wear a disguise. If you came walking down the street dressed as a cowboy, a clown, or even a doctor, and if you walked with a limp or otherwise changed your gait, chances are you wouldn’t be recognized by anyone looking through the aforementioned crack in the gate.
4. Use a distraction. You know those cats you are always trapping on your property? Bring them with you. Throw them over the fence, and watch the children chase them off, never noticing as you slip through the front door.

That is all I can think of for now, but you might have some ideas yourself that will compliment this list. Thank you again for coming and bearing gifts. It is always a pleasure to see you.

Your Loving Granddaughter,
Brandy