I try not to let a birthday pass around here without musing about it a little. Of course, Number Four is a little more difficult for me to muse about than the others, for a variety of reasons. During his birthday party, right before the cake, Si decided to remind everyone of the horror of his birth, placing special emphasis on the part where he “watched him die” and the resuscitation process.
And then we all tried to sing Happy Birthday without weeping.
Truly, I try not to think about what happened as I still can’t do that without tearing up. He will forever be our miracle baby.
Si made a good point, though, when he said that not only is it a miracle that we all get the opportunity to celebrate O.’s birthday and first year of life, but it is also a miracle that we all were there to celebrate, since Si himself ended up being a miracle this summer.
I feel like these two miracles were basically bookends on a year of life in which we learned a big lesson: God is truly Sovereign.
I, certainly, am not as in control of things as I used to think I was.
This past year has also been a bit of a grieving process, as, right after O. was born, we were told that we would not be having any more babies. {That’s right. I was still open on the table in the operating room. This happened after O. started breathing and before the doctor and anesthesiologist began to compare iPhones.} Since he was my fourth C-section, we were only mildly surprised, but the process of letting go of the normal rhythm of our lives, of always having a toddler available for cheer, of always having a baby to rock…it has been a year of saying goodbye to this.
I have felt silly for describing it as a grief, for I know how many women would love to be blessed with even one child, and here I am with four. But I think I was hoping we’d get to Number Five.
So here we are, a complete family. O. was definitely our crowning event, defying science in the name of God’s glory in grace. He is a joy, even with his little frog hop, and we are so grateful to have our family together, all members accounted for.
I am just hoping that the coming months have a little less drama in them.
2 Comments
Grief is certainly the right word. I completely understand. A consolation at least can be that you know while O. is a baby that he’s your last so you can savor his babyhood.
Brandy, I don’t care how many children I have, I will always grieve when I realize I’ve had my last and will think of it each time I snuggle the littlest one.
We’re still hoping for at least one more, but we’re not in a hurry. Yet.
It has indeed been a hectic year for your family. Hectic and blessed. Happy birthday, O!